While many students spent their reading weeks studying, partying, sleeping, and resting, my sister and I were in Phoenix, Arizona for Tough Mudder. For three hours and a cumulative total of 11.75 miles of the South West American desert we: ran through live wires, clawed over massive mounds of mud, climbed over 12-foot walls, swam through a shipping container of ice water, ran through hip deep mud water, crawled under barbed wire, and muscled our way through underground trenches, and those are just a few of the 21 military obstacles. Tough Mudder was not simply a race for us, it was the crowning glory marking how far we had come as sisters and as athletes in our fitness journey. This was our reward to ourselves for five months of physical and mental strength training. The hours clocked at the gym lifting weights, planning meals in our kitchens, doing yoga in our living rooms, and running the stairs and paths of the river valley were not to obtain superficial physical goals; they were, and still are, a way to become sisters. Not merely by relation but by friendship, to achieve mental stability and to find a balance in our lives. This gave room for our mental health to grow and strengthen.
Before the race: With adrenalin pumping we were reading to tear the course up!
Recently we have seen a change in public discourse, and media coverage?s approach to mental health. There has been a de-stigmatization surrounding mental health issues; slowly we are seeing the public recognize that being a healthy, contributing member of society means mental strength and well being, as well as physical fitness and well being. The de-stigmatization has manifested itself not only in the public?s acceptance of the need to address mental health issues in an inclusive manner, but also in concrete funding and initiatives being taken by corporations, universities and governments. On February 9th this year, Bell raised $4,813,313.30 for mental health programs through their Canada-wide ?Let?s Talk? campaign. Closer to home, we have seen UAlberta, and the Government of Alberta partner to invest in mental health support for students. In university you are extremely vulnerable as your success can rely on the sanctity of your mental health. I feel as though sharing my mental health journey over the past five months can show others that they are not alone in the struggle to find balance, and that it is normal to experience fluctuations in one?s well being, especially under the stressful conditions of university. Mental health is not a static trait, it exists on a spectrum and where we sit on that spectrum can change dramatically depending on where we are in our lives.
What is the point of university? Sure you?re expanding your horizons, and the degree waiting for you at the end of the four, five, or sometimes six year program could potentially get you a job in a field you are passionate about. If you are lucky, this job will pay you enough money to repay all the debt you?ve accumulated to obtain the degree. However, have you ever tried explaining the value of higher education to a student who has papers, midterms, group projects, twenty-five hours of shift work, rent to pay, and groceries to buy ? oh and that?s just this week? University can sometimes feel more like a masochistic path to self-destruction than a path to success, and keeping your head above water can be difficult when odds seem to be stacked in favour of you drowning.
That was me in September. Drowning. After an incredible summer abroad, then several weeks travelling to see family and friends in Canada, and finally coming home to a new one bedroom apartment, I seemed poised to start my third year of university on the right foot: invigorated from the fresh start. This is how it seemed on paper, but things didn?t go according to plan. I was exhausted, lonely in my one bedroom apartment, and completely defeated by my daunting courseload. There seemed to be no light at the end of the education tunnel; I couldn?t balance my work. My mental health was suffering. I couldn?t get myself out of bed to attend classes, my employers were sending me home early time and again. I was exhausted and sad all of the time. I was like a shadow of my old self. Where was the motivated, driven, positive Blue everyone knew so well? I had to withdraw from one course and was seriously considering withdrawing from the entire semester. Every aspect of my academic and professional life was at risk.
What I needed was something that I could have control over, something I could aim for and work to achieve. What I needed were some goals. My sister Samantha and I sat down and decided that we wanted to be as physically fit as possible. So we made a routine for ourselves. We each wrote out a list of goals to post on our respective fridges. We each started waking up at 5:30am and exercising. We cut caffeine and alcohol out of our diets, for the most part. We changed our perspectives; eating food not simply for its flavour, but for energy. We looked at the grocery store like a gas station: the produce department is the fuel our bodies need to run as efficiently as possible. We shopped the perimeter of the grocery store instead of the middle aisles. Simple carbs and refined sugars now appeared in our diets sparingly. We both took up yoga, one of the few physical activities I have done that encourages physical and mental well being as well as life balance. Samantha and I used social media as a tool to better ourselves, following a host ?of yogis, personal trainers, fitness buffs, and clean eating chefs on Instagram and Facebook who inspired us. We posted pictures to track the progress that we made and stayed as positive as possible on our Facebook and social media accounts. We texted each other pictures and were inspired by each others? progress, seeing muscle where they had never been before, screaming with joy in each others? apartments when we managed to do headstands after months of work.
I don?t think either of us could have predicted back in October that we would end up where we are today. We began drinking upwards of three litres of water a day, and had to buy green tea in bulk, because that was our morning wake-up. The routine gave me my sanity, it gave me something I could rely on. No matter how much homework I had to do, no matter how long my shifts at work were, I knew I would be up at 5:30. I would have ?me? time on my yoga mat, in the river valley, in the gym. I started seeing a psychologist to work out strategies to avoid ever getting back to the toxic headspace I was in in September. My family and friends were supportive and encouraging and my sister became my teammate.
The road has not always been smooth, as I mentioned before we all experience fluctuations in mental health ? that?s just how life goes. What is different is that I have very specific tools to deal with these challenges. In November, at a morning yoga class at Lotus Soul Gym on Whyte, our teacher, Laeonie Ferguson, said something I will never forget: ?You need to be able to recognize the difference between discomfort and pain. When you are at that place of discomfort, observe the experience; don?t be overtaken by it. Realize that yes, you are uncomfortable, but breathe, and know that it will pass.? This mantra is not just for yoga, but all challenges in life. Through physical activity and nutrition, I have not just learned to become fit, but also to be more self-aware and recognize when I am struggling, without being consumed by it. I know there will be bad days, weeks, maybe even months, but I know too that they will pass. When I forget that I have friends, family, and teammates, yoga practice, the squat rack, the Glenora stairs remind me. This year I have seen first-hand that personal well being requires a balance. You cannot address physical health while neglecting mental health; the two must be taken care of together. Through fitness and nutrition goal-setting, and becoming more self-aware, I have learned that ?fitness? is a balance that addresses both your physical and mental self.
So at 11:00am, in the Arizona desert, when my sister and I crossed the finish line together, sporting our matching mud-soaked T-shirts that read ?TEAM HARD KNOX? across the chest and
After the race: I don?t think we?ve ever felt as champion?like as we did crossing the finishing line wearing our hard earned Tough Mudder headbands!
?Arizona 2013 NO B.S.? across the shoulders, we were in disbelief. It was over? There were no more obstacles? Our hands were shaking, we were soaked in mud, we were hungry and thirsty, we did it. Five months and we were closer than we had ever been in our lives, we were stronger than we could have imagined, and we were unstoppable. Tough Mudder was just one achievement in the road to strength for my sister and me. There will be many more obstacles ahead of us, there will be many highs, many lows, but we continue to set goals and to achieve. We will not stop because satisfaction can never be reaped through stagnation. I am not the fastest runner, the greatest yogi, or the strongest woman at the gym, but I am trying, and I find strength in that. We will keep moving forward and pushing each other to be the strongest, healthiest, happiest women we can possibly be.
Photo courtesy of go interactive wellness?on Flickr.
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